the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
