Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
