Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
