I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
