Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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