There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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