I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh god it's open bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
