I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
