How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
