nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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