She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
