I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's official drugs can't kill me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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