oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
