you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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