closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
