Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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