We're like a lot better than the average bears
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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