Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
