i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
