I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
