I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
