for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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