omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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