Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
