is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
