Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
