This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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