THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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