I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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