I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
