whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
