Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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