Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
