I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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