She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
