He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
