Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
