the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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