I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
