I'm eating all of the evidence.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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