Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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