How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
