Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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