apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
