Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
