Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
