We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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