ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
