Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
