clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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