the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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