I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He has the fingertips of a God
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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