I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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