why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
