I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
