Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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