But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
