i just wanna soil my oats bro
I cockslap morals
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
