lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
