I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
