Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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