"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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