The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
