batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
