Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
