OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
