evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
