Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
