I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
