you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
