I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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