I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
